All In Your Head
by vine
Summary: Melanie wakes, and is panicked to find that Wanda has disappeared. She goes to find help, trying to keep her head at the same time. First in the White Walls Series, a collection of Host stories set in an Alternate Universe. Rated T for crazies.


When I woke up, it was not all of a sudden. It was slow, piece-by-piece awakening, dragged out by my groggy mind.

When my eyelashes finally fluttered open, the first thing I saw was our glowing alarm clock. It's blinking numbers told her that it was 8:23.

That's odd. Usually Wanda would have woken me up hours ago.

_Wanda?_ I questioned, as I stretched out, sighing in pleasure as my long body cracked, before settling into place. Sleep in much?

No answer. I pursed my lips, and turned the search inward.

_Wanda? You alright?_

My heartbeat increased. Wanda had never ignored me so completely before. Sure, we had our fights. But even when Wanda was brooding, I could feel her there.

Now there was just empty space.

_Wanda!_ Clenching my eyes shut, I screamed into our own minds. _Wanda! This isn't funny!_

My breath caught in my throat. Waiting.

No. No, this couldn't be happening. Oh no oh no oh no...

I threw myself out of bed, not even sparing a glance at my still-sleeping roommate. With the anti-depressants that girl was on, she would be out until nine at least.

My door banged against the wall as I shoved it open, sending an odd echo down the long hallway. There was a dark mark where the door handle had made contact with the whitewashed walls, but I couldn't care less at the moment. I had more urgent matters at hand.

"Wanda?" It was stupid to speak out loud, and I knew it. But it made me feel a bit better, hearing my strained voice break the hallway's odd morning silence.

I was still here. I hadn't gone missing.

Feet begging to pick up the pace, I fell into a run. My legs stretched with each stride, as I ate up the space between myself and the Office. He would know what to do.

"Melanie?"

Surprise made me stumble, almost sending me tumbling to the ground.

A tousled head of hair peeked out of one of the doors in front of me. Even though I knew that the things I felt for this boy were strictly Wanda's problem, I couldn't help the butterflies in my stomach when his bright blue eyes met my own.

I nodded. We never did have to tell him who was dominant at the moment. He always knew.

There was a frown splashed across his tired looking features. "Is something wrong? Elsie said you were upset."

My feet froze, refusing to continue forward all by themselves. The will to move forward had suddenly left me. I had no desire to tell this boy what was happening. Rational me knew it would be best to have his help. But jealous me didn't want help. Not from him, at least.

My shoulders came up, as my back straightened. Whatever I felt, he had the right to know. Anyway, Ian was the best person to ask about what went on around here.

"I can't find Wanda."

It was all I had to say. Another good thing about this boy of Wanda's was that he could tell when it was the wrong time to bog down with questions. The change in Ian was immediate. He peeked over his shoulder once, before stepping out into the hall.

If Wanda had been present, we would have blushed. But I, on the other hand, was not known to be shy. Instead, I simply averted my eyes. For Wanda's sake. Ian, unlike me, had not bothered with wearing a shirt to bed.

I jumped backwards at he lunged at me, and tensed as he grabbed both of my shoulders. His hands were shaking. Or was that just me?

"You're sure?"

He knew before I even nodded that I was telling the truth. Straightening, he started to run.

Falling into stride beside him, I couldn't help but feel a bit relieved. Between me and Ian, I knew they would find Wanda. Everything would be fine.

If the sight of Ian made my knees a little weak, the very thought of the man that froze as he saw the two of them rushing towards him had me practically falling over.

His eyes flashed from my face to Ian's, and I watched the air simmer for a moment. I did not like how the two of them hated it each other. It was one of the things that ever managed to come between me and Wanda. Neither of us liked it.

"O'Shae. Melanie. What are you doing?" Every word he said had my heart beating slower. No matter how relieved Ian made me feel, I never felt safe without knowing Jared was somewhere near.

Ian's eyes were on me still. "Melanie can't find Wanda."

Straightening, Jared's jaw locked. "You can't find Wanda?"

I shook my head. "Not anywhere."

There was something odd in Jared's eyes. Something like hope. I knew he would know what to do.

"Wait here." He turned, heading towards the Office. His white orderly outfit twisted dizzily, and I swayed. Ian's strong arms caught me before I lost control completely. It was so tiring. I don't know how the single people managed, having to control their bodies all the time, just by themselves.

Ian caught me before I could fall over completely. "Melanie, don't fall asleep."

"I wasn't." I was tired, though. Maybe if I went to sleep, when I woke up again, Wanda would be right back where she was supposed to be. Yes. That would work. All I'd have to do was to close my eyes...

"Melanie?"

My eyes shot open. There was no ignoring that voice. Jeb didn't like it when you ignored him. He was the Boss, after all. He owned the place. His rules. And rule one was to Listen to the Boss.

So I did. I forced my heavy lids open, and tried a smile in his direction. I shouldn't really be smiling. Because Wanda was missing. But I felt fine now. She would be there when I woke up. And I'm sure Jeb would let me go back to sleep. If I asked real, real nice.

But he didn't even give me time to open my mouth. "Melanie, Jared tells me that you can't find Wanda. Is that true?"

As I nodded, slowly, I saw Jeb and Jared exchange a look. There was a hint of triumph in Jared's eyes, even after Jeb had looked back at me. His eyes, set in their deep sockets, made me less tired, so I looked away, and stared at Ian instead. Even though it was Wanda who liked him, and not me, I could still see the attractive lines that made up this boy.

"Jared? Go get Doc. Tell him to bring some more of what he tried yesterday."

Jared was almost smiling as he hurried off towards the Doc's office. I watched him go in wonder. So strange.

Every time Jared got particularly happy, Ian made up for it. I could see that his eyes were duller than usual, not as much of their regular shine. Like coffee with too much milk and not enough sugar.

Jeb grabbed my head gently between his big hands, and turned my head so I was looking straight at him. "Okay, Melanie. Doc's going to come with some pills I want you to try. All right?"

When Jeb asked us all right, it usually meant that he didn't care what we thought. Well, he did, but not enough to change anything. Because 'these things were for our own good.' But I couldn't help but ask.

"Will they help get Wanda back?"

Jeb's lips tightened, and he gave the smallest nod. It was enough for me. I was wide awake again, and my face split into a huge grin. "Thank you, Jeb!" I didn't hug him though. That would be a Wanda thing to do, and I would not go stepping on her toes. Well, technically her toes were my toes, and vice-versa, so it wasn't really that smart to-

"Will it make her hurt?"

Ian put his hand on my shoulder, and I was struck with the odd feeling of somewhere between longing, fear, and the feeling you get right before you throw up.

Though that could have been just me. And my hungry stomach.

"No, Ian." Jeb was giving him the 'all is calm' smile. "It won't make her hurt."

"Good." He might have said more, but the footsteps coming down the hall interrupted him. There was Doc, his long white coat billowing around him like angel wings or snake skins in egg shells or like that time when that little boy down the hall painted himself all white and said Ian's crazy lady a shot him through the head.

I'll tell you a secret. They call it a clinic, but some of the people here are actually just crazy. Total nutcases. I'm not afraid of them. Ijust feel sorry for them. They're not even sane enough to realize their insanity.

Weird.

Right behind Doc was Jared, still smiling. It was starting to creep me out. Maybe the creepy factor was due to the fact that I swore only one Jared had left, but now two of them had come back. They must be friends.

I had lots of friends. I probably had more friends than anyone here. Not counting Ian. It's not fair to count him, because he can see people that I can't, and that's not that fair.

I bet he couldn't see both Jareds. Ian doesn't like looking at Jared.

Doc ran up to me, and said something. I think it was "Let's get you down in a chair, Melanie. How are you feeling today?" but that must have been wrong, because Doc never really asks us how we are, or anything. He doesn't even say hello. He just pops up.

Some people say that he knows everything. Like, really knows. Not just what we say, but what we think. What me and Wanda talk about in our minds where no one else can hear. What Ian's friends all look like. Even the Crazy Lady With Dog Ears and Her Lollipop, or Elsie McSquaddle-pop-stinky-cheese-noise.

He aslo claims to be able to see No Girl. But that's just silly. Everyone can see No Girl.

I think that he must have said "Lettuce and finger look good in your hair. Melon weeds. Howl moo moo oink spaz." That made a lot more sense. Too bad I had never learned to speak cow.

Heh. With Wanda not here, it was so much easier to see the world the way she did. But I still missed her. Of course. Seeing like this made me tired.

Doc guided me to a chair, and my train followed. I tried to smile at all of them, but Doc was staring at me, so I had to pay attention.

"Sit."

I sat.

He pulled out a penlight and shone it into my eyes. I flinched, and my smile ran away. Uh oh. I would find it later. It usually hid under Sunny's bed, anyway.

Doc was asking questions, so I nodded. "Do you have the pills so I can find Wanda, Doc?"

He nodded too, so that we turned into bobbleheads. Awesome.

"And right now, there's no sign of her? Not even whispers?"

I concentrated. But no. I already knew there was nothing.

"Nothing."

Ian winced, as Doc nodded. Doc always knew what to do. "All right. Try taking these. They might help you. Are you tired? Feeling dizzy?"

"Both." The second Jared was shimmering, now. Maybe it was No Girl in disguise. That would be okay, too, as long as she didn't want to share the other Jared with me. He was _mine._

The real Jared's fist clenched. "Dammit."

Doc looked worried as well. "Maybe we should wait to give you this, Melanie. You should go to bed, and when you wake up, if you are feeling better, then you can take these." He passed the small white cup with the pills in it to Jared, who stared hard at the medicine as if it had done something to offend him. No Girl yawned, as if bored, and let the disguise fade away, until she was just herself. She winked at me, and left away.

Our heads hurt.

"Ian?" I was confused. "Ian?"

"I'm here." He put a hand on our shoulder. We felt better. But our heads felt like they were going to split-

Our heads.

I jumped up, and stumbled right into Jared's ready hands. "Wanda? You, here Wanda?"

"Jeb?" Jared's voice was strange. Strained and shaky. "Jeb, this isn't right."

"Don't worry, Jared." Jeb was calm. Jeb was always calm. "There are other things we can try. This wasn't the last time. And we were closer this time."

Jared took a deep breath, and put us upright. "Melanie?"

"NO!" I grabbed at Jared's collar. "Where am I? I can't see!"

A hand on my shoulder again. Ian's voice floated into my ear. "Wanda? Wanda, take a deep breath. I'm here. You're here. Mel's here. We're all fine."

I tried to put on a smile, and found one in my pocket. It was a spare, but it worked well enough. Turning around, I hugged Ian. "I had a dream that I lost you, and I wasn't me anymore and I wasn't Melanie and I was just me. And I was scared!"

Doc swore under his breath, and the colors of his anger spun around me. I didn't mind. Because Ian was hugging me.

_Mel?_

She smiled at me._ I'm here. You were gone for a while. Where were you? You had us worried._

_Nowhere._ It was the truth. _I don't know. Can I take over for a bit?_

_I'm tired._ Was her reply. _Control all by myself is hard work._

She drifted off, and I lifted my head to smile widely at Ian. "What are we going to do today?"

"Well," he was thinking quickly, but my closeness to him was distracting. "The plants need watering."

I yelped as he picked me up, and tucked me into his arms. Like a baby.

"Bye, Doc! Bye, Boss! Bye, No-Girl!" I thought that might be her, hiding behind the men, winking her long lashes at me. Jared was in the way, so I couldn't be sure.

Ah. Even the sound of me saying his name had Mel up again. She blew him a kiss, and he looked mildly shocked. Silly him. You think he would be over such surprises now, working in a nut house.

_We're not crazy_, Melanie reminded me.

_Of course not,_ I agreed. _That's the rest of the world. You and me know exactly what's going on. After all, we're the only ones who know it's better to think in twos._

Melanie backed me up with a silent yawn only I could hear, and drifted off again. My arms tightened around Ian's neck, and I giggled. It wasn't a sound I particularly liked, and seemed to attract the ghost boy, but it was better than the alternative.

The alternative was thinking about where I had gone. I couldn't remember anything, though I saw through Mel's mind what had happened. It was too bad I hadn't been there. I was pretty good at cow interpretation. And two Jareds would have been fun.

"Not as fun as two Ians, though," I said to myself, not even realizing I had spoken out loud until Ian called me on it, and I fell, laughing, into his waiting embrace at the end of this rainbow.

It was almost midnight, when Doc caught Jared as he was finishing his rounds. Jared had stopped at the last door in the hall, and was staring at the door with a pained look on his face. He was lost enough in thought that he didn't hear Doc approach. He jumped when he did.

I knew, because similar things had happened before. Jared often slowed, or even stopped, outside our room. Mel was never awake, but I was a light sleeper.

Straining my ears, I tried to catch some of the men's conversation.

"-were so close this time, Doc!"

"She wasn't herself, though. You could see that, Jared. I've told you before. Even if we find a drug that can help her separate herself from Wanda-"

"Don't call it that!" I was shocked by Jared's raised tone. I hadn't heard him sound that angry before. Ever. "That thing doesn't deserve a name! It doesn't even exist!"

"Jared." My heart hurt, and my vision turned blue for sadness. "Melanie thinks she exists. So she does. And right now, she's just as solid as Melanie."

"But what if that changes?" Jared's voice was quieter again, but it was still shaking. I could feel the vibrations through the air, all the way in our warm bed. "What if it grows, until there is no Mel anymore?"

"Come on." There was movement, and I imagined the older man putting his arm around Jared's shoulders. "I have some scotch in the office, and you look like you need it. We have more options."

"Good." Their footsteps began to head off down the hall. "Because I'm not giving up, Doc. As long as Mel's there, I'll be fighting to keep her."

"I know."

That was all I could hear. Biting my lip, I scrubbed at my tear-filled eyes so that Mel wouldn't ask any questions, and tried to ignore the whispers as I forced our eyes to close.

A/N: Well, that was fun. Just so you know, most slips of 'our' in there were intentional. And this is the first in a series of one-shots I will be doing, all based on this idea. The characters of The Host in a mental clinic. So yes, I know some of this was out of character. Being completely off your rocker will do that to you.

Constructive criticism is definitely needed! But any word as to how you liked it will do. Thank you.


End file.
